Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
