the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
