Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
