remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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