I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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