Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
