i was born a porn star she said
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
