I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
