Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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