The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
