My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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