So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
