is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
