He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
