Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
