I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
