using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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