I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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