Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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