What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
