Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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