What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
