I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
