She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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