we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my liver is dry heaving
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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