the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
