Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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