I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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