Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
