A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
