I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
