It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
