Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
