Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
