Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did i walk over a car last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
