I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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