I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my sisters under your porch take her home
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
