I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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