I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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