he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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