Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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