FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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