I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
