So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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