Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
