that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I believe in your delicious
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
