Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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