As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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