Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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