I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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