Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We need to rekindle our bromance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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