I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
